Saturday, June 14, 2008

Brief Friday-the-13th-Wedding Notes

In true Alice/Babycakes form, we arrived at the church as the bridal party was gathering to descend down the aisle. For those who don’t know me, I cannot explain this anomaly since I am PERPETUALLY early to everything else. Being early is my sickness. Unless it’s a wedding. I blame a good portion of that on the massive church compound, locating the chapel on said compound, parking a mile away from said chapel and walking in heels that I wear twice a year.

The priest managed to work in the prospect of spousal death during his REALLY long and boring homily wherein Babycakes and I looked at each other and did the Wha???-face. I then spent many minutes studying the nuances of stained glass and weak air conditioning. To completely class-up the wedding, I put a scrunchie in my hair half-way through before the sweat could bead up any more on the back of my neck.


At the reception, we went through emotions like a rollercoaster.

Down Rollercoaster: Holy hell! They squashed us into the table with 10 people when I can plainly see there are tables with only 7 people.

Up Rollercoaster: Yay! We’re sitting with the WAY FUN contingent of the groom’s family from Georgia! And there’s an open bar!


At our table, there were some lovely white chocolate flowers on the plates.

Alice's Brain: Oooo…chocolate… *shove into face*

Alice's Brain: My, they’re soft.

Alice's Brain: My, they’re bland.

Alice's Brain: My….they’re butter….


I was successfully able to deposit our thrift shop object d’art onto the gift table at the reception. We thought it might be difficult since the crowd was so small and intimate, but I excused myself during the buffet swarm and snuck it in. It’s easy to disappear when there’s a single-minded crowd elbowing each other for green beans.

We drank. We danced. We left to relieve a very good friend we had to abuse for this event. Poor thing babysat for 8 hours and couldn’t figure out our television.
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Click on Humor-Blogs please...for ranking purposes...which could always use a boost.

25 Comments :

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

OMG, white chocolate flowers; that's hysterically funny! Thanks for the great recap. Off to vote!

Mrs.4444 said...

Um...can't figure out how to vote!! I signed up for an account (kinda scary! Do you have to be funny all the time to be listed there?!) Thought that would help, but I'm still not clear. Please email me!

Hey It's Di said...

I have this "Earlyitis" too for everything...except parties at houses because I really don't want to have to help the hostess finish cleaning in that FINAL 10 minutes before the party starts!

Love the whole wedding story! You crack me up! But it's a bummer about the butter. What are they thinking making butter all cute and stuff?

NO TV for 8 hours? HOLY CRAP! I would certainly die...unless there was internet:)

Alice said...

Half-Past Kissin - Yeah, it was so funny with a big ol' lump of butter in my mouth that I had to get back onto the plate. Klassy. And thanks for the vote! All you have to do is click on the 'Humor-Blogs' link which takes you to their site. You don't need to to do anything else once you're there. I'm so sorry you signed up for an account!

Di - I can't believe BoyChild couldn't help her out with the TV. He seems to know how to work everything. And she didn't even use the $30 bucks we left for pizza. She used her OWN money! I owe her big time!

JD at I Do Things said...

Ah, the wedding scrunchie. That happened to me at an overly hot wedding, but I didn't have the foresight to bring a scrunchie with me. Hence a new fashion was born: the wedding rubber band. Nice.

Love the white chocolate butter fiasco. Don't they know better than to make butter in delicious chocolate shapes?

JD at I Do Things

Anonymous said...

I'm getting guests today from Poland, Alice. Your stories have made the top 10 'what the heck will we talk about?' list. The flowers were butter--I'm crying!

Alice said...

JD - Arghh...to be outdone in the class department by the wedding rubber band!

N - Say hey to the happy couple from me! I feel honored to have my butter story make the Top 10 things you'll talk about. *sniff* Have you revved your kids up good and tight for the visit? Here J & A...have the EXTRA LARGE box of Nerds for breakfast - then go poke the visitors with your light sabers.

Bex said...

"nuances of a weak air conditioning..." was my favorite line. And the thing with the butter is hilarious!

gadragonfly said...

That should serve you right, thinking everything is chocolate. :) Love you. Sounds like mom trying to work her own TV or anyone elses for that matter.
PS the Humor Blog link ain't working, his page is erroring out.

That girl from Shallotte said...

This post is just like buttah.

Shally said...

YUCK! BUTTER FLOWERS!

Love white chocolate though...

Bee said...

Ha ha! At least it was butter and not something gross and healthy! ;o)

I hate going to wedding ceremonies/parties. The hubs and I didn't have one for that very purpose. Well, we had one sort of.

In our back yard with only about 30 people almost all related to us.

Please let us know if you hear something about your gift. That has got to be one of the funniest pranks I have ever heard!

Angela said...

Butters pressed into the shapes of flowers is such a cute little detail to add to the reception! Haha, and I really did laugh out loud when I reah that you thought they were chocolates! I bet you were surprised/disgusted. But don't worry. I'm sure many of us would have made the same mistake!!

Tracy said...

I think butter is pretty by itself. They don't need to disguise it as chocolate. Although, I do love how our minds think alike.
"Beautiful chocolate flowers. Must shove into mouth!"

Jenn Thorson said...

Butter! Oh my gosh... I can absolutely see that happening. I imagine your taste buds had a bit of a surprise coming to them during that moment.

LceeL said...

Beautifully done. Absolutely gob smacked by the butter thing. That was hilarious.

Alice said...

I'm glad y'all appreciate the butter story and was glad only a few of the Georgia folk were around to witness it.

Bee - I'm encouraging my GirlChild to elope or at lease get married on an island so I can have some fun.

Kelly said...

omg, butter, thats awesome.. I bet Paula Dean would be so damn proud..hahah

T said...

Love the butter story...hysterical!

Tina said...

That comment up there? Right above this one? That's me. Because I have fat fingers and can't hit the right keys to save my life.

Suze's Sass said...

You are hysterical. You're late to weddings and my stomach growls at every funeral I've ever attended.

BTW, I totally would've eaten the white "chocolate" flower also :)

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I carry an emergency scrunchie on my wrist like a gaudy bracelet at all times. It has saved me from the horrors of itchy heat rash on my neck.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

In our faith we believe in eternal marriages. That makes a wedding ceremony that much more intense because you can't shake your spouse even when death comes and claims you.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

My mom once got a little snockered at a wedding and started dipping her fingers into what she thought was a finger bowl.....until one of the attendants came around to fill up her water glass. Yes. We are all things elegant and classeigh.

Mary Witzl said...

My husband suffers terribly from earlyitis, whereas the rest of us are inclined to go to the other extreme. I really worry about his blood pressure when we're getting ready to leave.

And I've done that with the butter! Fancy butter tends to be unsalted and at the kind of dos they serve it at, you're just that tiny bit drunk. By the time it's started to melt in your mouth, you can't very well spit it into your napkin. And all those calories in one little mouthful!

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