Sunday, June 22, 2008

Unknown Crisis Looms Over America

While you folks are boo-hoo-ing over the price of gas and no tomatoes on your burger, I'm here to alert you to a crisis you may have missed. Yes...the NATIONAL MEALWORM SHORTAGE! Why hasn't the CDC put out some sort of Amber Alert on this?

I'm just a chick trying to keep her daughter's frogs fed and when I go to Petco, I EXPECT tubs of mealworms to be staring me in the face. When I ask where in the hell the mealworms are, I expect a "Yes Ma'am, I'll get them right away Ma'am" from the pimply-faced teen because I've got a coffee sitting in my car getting colder by the second.

"David" spoke to me on the condition of anonymity and said that they were in fact sold out and there was a NATIONWIDE SHORTAGE.

While processing this new information, laughing hysterically on the inside, and wondering how cold my drink was gonna be by the time I came up with a solution, I spotted a bottle of Fluker's Freeze Dried Meal Worms. BINGO!

Doesn't staring at this bottle just make you wanna slip it into someone's spice cabinet? Or invite company over and put it onto your table beside the parmesan and red pepper flakes? Maybe sprinkle a few onto a salad before serving it up.

Anyhoo...I grabbed the second to last bottle of Freeze-Dried Meal Worms and in all honesty, I might go back tomorrow to grab the last one too. You never know how long a shortage like this is gonna last and I kinda have that hording/every-frog-owner-for-himself mentality. Dammit! I love those frogs and I don't care if I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, Susan and Prince Caspian will never be hungry again.

Did I tell y'all that I LOVE me some Scarlett?

This post is dedicated to my favorite frog lover. Check her out sometime!

Oh! And my Star Wars Sox pal, Diana, gave me my very first award! See side panel at the bottom. Woo hoo! Thanks Diana!

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Try Fluker's Freeze-Dried Humor!

24 Comments :

Hey It's Di said...

Didn't you get the "Shortage on Mealworms Memo?" Oh man, the F.S.A (frog survival Assoc.) indicated that everyone needed to have their 2 year supply of mealworms due to a shortage.

OH wow! Freeze dried ones sound so. . . er edible? I like the idea of slipping them on the table for innocent guests to see and maybe sample:)

P.S I should have given you the sexiest Star Wars sock tops award. I may just have to do that!

Hey It's Di said...

I meant that I should give you that award TOO! You are still always making me laugh:D

Cassie said...

How can there even BE a mealworm shortage? ridiculous! ha.

Mary Witzl said...

I absolutely want a can of this. I'd empty the contents, fill it up with something perfectly tasty and innocuous, and put it out when my brother- and sister-in-law come for their annual visit. Then I'd sit through another dinner I've prepared and let them talk right over me as usual. At some point, I would proffer 'The Can.'

Yay -- something to look forward to!

Alice said...

Di - I was apparently NOT on the list of folks getting the mealworm memo. Dammit! As a citizen of the USA, I like to be kept informed. I'm writing a letter to the editor of my local paper now. No I won't. Then there will be a run on mealworms at the Petco and I'll be REALLY screwed. Let me know when you work up the most original award on the net! That would be SOOO cool!

Cassie - My thoughts exactly! I mean, I could probably cultivate these things myself if I didn't think they were the grossest things on the planet.

Mary - Ooooo...great idea! I'm gonna do that with the bottle now! I look forward to hosting the extended family Christmas dinner now. Muahahhahhaaa.....

damon said...

Damn those arabs! First it's the oil and now it's frog food. When will it all end?

LceeL said...

Okay, I know I could probably Google this and get the answer (and I probably will when I'm done with this) But just where to mealworms come from? And why do we have a shortage? Does this represent a danger to the worldwide ecology or something? You know, like disappearing frogs?

Sue said...

LOL!!! How totally gross - do you think they freeze them alive? (brrr- it's gettin' cold in here..)

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Frogs today and their fancy mealworm palates. Why, back in my day frogs were content to just eat flies and and they'd catch em after hopping a mile....uphill....each way.....in the snow.....over broken glass.

You're coddling your frogs too much. Just give em flies. Make sure it's not Spanish Fly though because that could lead to some problems.

Bee said...

Don't you have a pond where you can go worm huntin'? Stop spending money on worms when they're available to you in your own backyard!

I of course would never touch an icky worm.

Kelly said...

Oh damn it!! Can you score me some of them mealworms? Our tad has just recently changed and has no tail left so I guess I have to feed him frog food.Maybe the hoobo's behind Ralph's can kick down, what is it running these days..$40 for a ounce?!

Memarie Lane said...

This is a travesty! Thank you for alerting me to this crisis. I will certainly remember this next time I find myself complaining about food. What are my hunger pangs when there are FROGS out there who are STARVING to death? :P

Alice said...

Damon - I can only imagine *hangs head*

Lceel - I have to admit that my interest in the mealworm shortage stopped short of me finding the freeze-dried variety.

Sue - Kevorkian goes in first to euthanize the mealworms and then BAMMO with the frost freeze!

Elastic - Well..our frogs do have it rather hard since they have to swim in their own shit for 5 days before we clean

Alice said...

Bee - According to the pros, our frogs don't do regular worms. Much to our dismay and pocketbook.

Kelly - If I score that last bottle I'll cut you in on some action. Good price.

Marie - You are certainly welcome. Let's all think about the frogs as we shove food into our piehole.

Tracy said...

I had no idea that there was a shortage of meal worms! What a crisis! It's just another thing that the government is keeping from us.
I don't know about where you live, but here in WV, we can get a container of mealworms at just about every gas station in town. Let me know if you need me to overnight you some. For the sake of the frogs of course!

Diesel said...

"They're not just worms... they're also a meal!"

That girl from Shallotte said...

I read this post slooooowly, scrolling down one line at a time and squinting through the fingers of my left hand...

Thanks for the shout-out, my friend! Mealworms all around, my treat!

Angela said...

Why the hell would there be a shortage of meal worms??? People should just breed some more!

But yes, that little shaker of freeze-dried meal worms looks like it would fit right in among shakers of herbs and spices!

Jenn Thorson said...

Note to self: Never eat at Alice's. :)

Wow. Freeze dried meal worms-- I bet those little buggers never saw it coming.

Meg said...

Our gekko will only eat the 'real' thing. Loves his crickets, too. Hope there's no shortage of those.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Oooh, Ooohh I got the stuff in the mail today. I can't wait to put it through a battery of tests so it can earn the Elastic seal of Boob Rash Approval and get a whole blog post dedicated to it!

THANK YOU ALICE!!!!!!!!

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

shoot, once our tadpole turns into a frog this bitch is going right into the pond, and he can fend for himself and find all his own freeze dried meal worms.

Alice Wills Gold said...

Hmmm...mealworms...that's one I never thought to put in my food storage.

t aka babycakes said...

I did not believe this until I googled it! Does anyone know what happened? Is it over yet? My turtle is jonesing!!!

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