Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Babycakes Semi-Approved Blog

For the life of me, I can't remember what Babycakes and I were talking about that led to the following dialogue:

Alice: Watch out, or I'll blog about you tomorrow.

Babycakes: Fine! You do that!

Alice: I will.

Babycakes: Fine!

Alice: I already know what it will be about.

Babycakes: Fine!

And these are the sort of in-depth, heartfelt talks we have. The same sort you'd have in third grade on the playground.

Babycakes and I have fundamental differences when it comes to stuff in our house. Babycakes is packrat-ish (but not that crazy type with boxes to the ceiling and receipts for gum you bought in 1983). He just likes his stuff. I, Alice, am a thrower-awayer. I DON'T LIKE STUFF.

To give you a small example, when we first got married, Babycakes already owned a house. After BoyChild was born, we moved to a new house. In the midst of packing up, Babycakes found an old suitcase full of clothes that had NEVER BEEN OPENED from his initial move-in.

Alice: Just throw it away. You haven't seen those things in 8 years, you'll never miss them.

Babycakes: Ohhh coooool! I LOVE this shirt!

This suitcase was filled with seriously dated items from the '80s. *sigh*

And so I hope to showcase some items from Babycakes' side of the closet that he WILL NOT let me toss out.

Number 1: I will give Babycakes credit in that he's never actually worn this sweater and I believe it's kept for sentimental value. I don't know what the sentiment is, maybe I-might-attend-the-Gay-Pride-Parade. Perhaps he'll leave us a comment and let us know.

Number 2: Fluorescent Orange Sweat Pants.

These pants look sort of squat, but in reality, Babycakes is like 6'4". He likes to wear these in the winter while he shovels snow or goes on other winter-y excursions. Maybe he wears them so the rescue chopper will be able to spot him when he collapses on the driveway.

*chopper sounds* Red Leader, we've spotted the missing per...ARGHHH...can't see...Headquarters...repeat...can't see...the sunlight reflecting off pants...CHOPPER DOWN!!!!

I hope this picture is conveying the absolutely BLINDING aspect of these sweats. I'm convinced they are more than just cotton, because unless it's radioactive, dye can't possibly be that bright.

Number 3: Green 80's shirt.

Babycakes has actually been known to wear this shirt to work as recently as last year. I think he does it because he knows I hate it, but I think he really loves it just a little bit too.

You can't find quality paisley like this anymore! That makes this shirt, like, 20 years old!

Now look at the picture below and see if you know where I'm heading with this.

Yes, BoyChild and GirlChild noticed the resemblance between the curtains on Thomas' head and Daddy's Green Shirt.


If you care to click on Humor-Blogs to improve my ranking, I'll give you kisses!


MadMad said...

OK, I was already blown away by the awesomeness of those sweats - can you imagine them paired with that sweater? Seriously. But then I saw that paisley shirt, and guess what? My husband has the EXACT. SAME. ONE! Fortunately, he hasn't worn his either.

Hey It's Di said...

Oh yeah. The sweater and sweats MUST be saved! You just never know when you are going to need to be seen from miles away. . looking like a dork but seen!

My husband had a paisley shirt really similar but when he was at work one day, I threw it out! I can be good at doing that, with HIS stuff only of course:)

Memarie Lane said...

Brad is the same way. He actually had a t-shirt collection, shirts that haven't fit him since he was in high school. Everywhere he ever went he picked up a t-shirt, to keep forever. Why??? I was amazed when he finally gave most of them up.

The Mom said...

Omg I'm laughing so hard!! My husband was recently FORCED BY ME to rid of his biker (street bicycle not chopper)shirt and shorts in 100% spandex-ugly. I think the butt was even padded in them.

You are not a street racer!

Your husband does not look like Mork from Ork.

But, yeah that paisley shirt...brings back memories from the boys of the 80's...ahhh!


gadragonfly said...

He totally needs to bring the sweater down to Savannah for Christmas. That rocks!! I don't know what it is with men hanging on to the 80's. I had to raid my ex-boyfriend's closet to make him get rid of 80's clothes so he wouldn't wear them on dates. Man the old Hilfiger shirts with way too many faded out colors had to go. Unfortunately they made it to a few Braves games before I could make a move on the closet.
PS Men should not wear Jorts (Jean Shorts)

gadragonfly said...

Update: Just found out the ex still has the clothes. Guess he just can't let the past go.
Direct quote from the ex "I just can’t force myself to let it go……one day I may need to go back in time for something and I will be dressed properly"
If you want it gone, throw it away yourself.

Anonymous said...

I think I need to provide some background on some of these fine pieces of clothing.

The sweater- It was a family holiday tradition that seems to have stopped at me. At least until BoyChild can fit into it. Hopefully, he will see the glory and family pride that can be obtained by wearing such a piece. It is made of wool which makes me itch like nobody's business but I wore it with only mild irritation and aggitation. (You can see what some good Catholic guilt can do to you)

Now that I reflect upon it some more, I do not remember too many other family members having to wear it. I remember my Uncle wore it ( I think he was the original owner) and my brother (who hated it) but I think it stopped there. Well, don't I look like a big loser.

But just you wait. It will come back into style and I won't be the only one who looks like a giant roll of Lifesavers.

Orange Sweats - I am a Virgina Tech graduate. Some crazy alumni came up the oddest darn school colors: Orange and Maroon. Actually Burnt Orange and Chicago Maroon. Hey at least it is not plaid like Macalester College's in Minnesota.

It is hard to find these exact colors outside the greater Blacksburg, VA area. Only recently has VA Tech hit the national scene. (Some reason are good things while others are not so good - Michael Vick was one of our proud alumni). So Neon Orange was the next best thing to help celebrate our Independence or Music City Bowl win. Although I was rarely watching the games.

Plus it provided great visibility in snow storms and at rowdy parties where I might fall over into the snow/water or off the deck or wander off and needed to be found the next day.

FYI- I am not known for my sense of balance and have a notoriously bad habit of wandering off [Two words- Bachelor Party]

Paisley Shirt - This was my booty shirt. I am not saying that I got any booty from wearing this shirt but it made me feel that I could. Some of you ladies might say that by just wearing this shirt I was gauranteeing that booty was not to be had. And to those ladies I would say "You are probably right" but it was a shirt that allowed me to feel that I was the bomb and that alone made me just a little bit more attractive. And those same ladies would have to agree that a man with some confidence is more worthy than a man without.

Bottom line -

I am going to wear that fine paisley shirt this Friday to work. And in the back of my head, the bow-chicka-wow-wow music will be playing away while I'll be telling the ladies to step back because I am a happily married man and they missed their chance to see the Magical Christmas Sweater and the Day-Glo Sweatpants of Protection.

Alice said...

MadMad - Must see pic of your husband's shirt! I didn't know a duplicate of it was in existence.

Di - I'm thinking that this Christmas we'll work on getting a sweater/sweat pants combo for the blog.

Marie - We've got a t-shirt collection also. They get worn until they're ripped at the pits with big holes in them. We're klassy like that.

The Mom - Babycakes has let me get rid of A LOT of his things, so I guess letting him remain in sole possession of these 3 isn't so bad. Maybe one day I'll take a pic of his string art for you.

D - I need to post a followup blog with your ex's response and Babycake's. And I do recall the Hilfiger look and yes, Jorts should never be worn by a man looking to attract a woman.

Babycakes - You crack me up - that's why I married you! Kissy kissy.

Anonymous said...

Chicago maroon??

Anonymous said...

Hahaha. I'm laughing because I know your pain. I threw away my husband's corduroy pink shorts within two weeks of moving in. I didn't tell him :)

Manager Mom said...

WOW. Them are some heinous clothes. I am glad you documented them for historical value, but please, I think a bonfire is your immediate next step.

And if you like throwing stuff away, come to my house! You can throw away whatever you want.

Alice said...

N - I have no idea that a 'Chicago maroon' existed either. I figure if you live in Chicago and haven't heard of it, they probably just made it up at VT.

Suze - Pink Corduroy!?!? WOW! And think..if you were blogging then!

Manager Mom - Don't joke about coming to your house to throw stuff away. I live for it and could very well come over with boxes and trash bags.

Anonymous said...

Well dress me up in paisley and call me a fool! Babycakes knows more about Chicago than I do. Apparently in 1894, the U of C football coach decided that their yellow uniforms were unsightly, impractical, and had "unfortunate symbolism", so he went to the fabric store and brought back a bunch of ribbon (I got this from the university's own site, folks) in various shades of maroon. He and the boys looked them over, chose one, ordered them some new shirts, and have been nicknamed the Maroons [which leaves just as much room for smear and mockery as the color yellow did, in my opinion] ever since. Their official and better-known name, however, remains the Phoenix.

LceeL said...

Hey! A guy has to have his STUFF! Because you never know ... you don't need that stuff until you need it, and if its not there, well .. then you gotta go out and BUY it all over again. and by the time you go out and buy it, you probably don't need it anymore.

Alice, please look at my comment in reply to your comment of the previous instance.

Sue said...

OMG that post was hilarious. Why can't the menfolk just acknowledge that we know better.

Kelly said...

omg those pants..tell me did he have a mullet while wearing those pants and that shirt?? hahah
My hubs is a packrat also...not so much with the clothes..but he has a bazillion action figures that are still in the package, and comic books. They are all boxed up because there is no way in hell I would let him display them like he wanted. I draw the line at x-men decor!!

Meg said...

I think your husband bought that shirt from me on eBay. I sell stuff like that--no kidding. And really, the shirt is very cool. You are misguided to include it with the orange sweats.

Me said...

MSH has a pair of bright orange pants (he's a rabid Auburn fan)that he loves; unfortunately they've become a bit too snug so he doesn't wear them every other day anymore. The man has impecable taste and loves to shop at Polo and Brooks Brothers, but everytime we go in to either place, the first thing he looks for is a replacement for his orange Abercrombie pants.

He can't just buy a new pair from Abercrombie because they don't make clothes for fat people, and they came to their senses and quit making the pants in that color. Seriously. A few years ago he got a catologue and found that only one pair of pants came in a size bigger than a 36 and they only came as big as 38. When he called to complain, they told him that their target market was 18 to 24 year-olds. Being 25 at the time, he was a bit offended and actually told the man that they just didn't want fat people wearing their clothes. Actually, his first question to the customer service rep was "Why are you discriminating against fat people?" The whole exchange was Hil.Air.EE.Ous!

We also have the hideous sweater-gifts, too-small T-shirt, and faded Hilfigers. The first time I purged my closet after we got married, he absolutely refused to let me donate my old clothes. He thought I was nuts for trying to get rid of the stuff. It took me 6 months to convince him to let me get rid of the bags. And, the only reason his t-shirt collection has shrunk is that he actually sold some of his old Grateful Dead shirts.

Queen Goob said...

I think he could look ├╝ber-gay if he wears that sweater AND the sweats to a gay pride rally. He would be SO in like Flynt......and I don't mean that in a good way. LOL

Okay, you're gonna kill me when I say this but *gulp* I too would wear the green paisley shirt but only if I were attending a conference with 463 BLIND PEOPLE! Blind people with no dogs because by the looks of it that shirt would induce spontaneous lethal attacks from each and every guide dog there.

And by the way - yes, your husband was the ONLY person that heard BOW-CHICKA-WOW-WOW when that shirt crawled from its hiding place within the depths of hell to make an appearance during happy hour.

Bee said...

Ha! When will spouses learn that they are there for our blogging amusement?

I hate to break it to your Babycakes but I don't believe those clothes were ever in fashion.

Having said that, my hubs still keeps a pair of emerald green sweats from his high school days. He tried them on the other day and I had to tell him I could see (from Friends) double O and 7.

Deanna said...

My husband wore that same paisley shirt when we were dating -- it must have been his booty shirt too!

moo said...

Did you totally steal my life or something? When did I miss that memo?

I've had to get sneaky when throwing out my husband's JUNK (yeah, I said it). Recently a pile of books made it to storage. A few days later: "Do we suddenly have less books?"

"Yeah, some went to storage. BUT IT IS OK, because it's STORAGE, not ZIMBABWE."

"But I wanted to read that book!"

"Which one?"

"I forget."

SEE? SEE what I am dealing with on a daily basis?!?

Kristi O said...

okay I am new to your blog, I came from BG...

anyway, are we married to the same man but live in different states, when we got married I unpacked a box that contained a neon paint splatterd shirt and some red parachute pants. He cried and hasn't forgiven me for giving them away to a charity.


Why does your husband have a shirt with little colored spermies swimming all over it?


When I met my Papi he had a Depeche Mode T-shirt. I got all excited and assumed he liked them like I did. When I asked if he went to the concert he looked at me blankly and said, "Who's Depeche Mode?"

The shirt was a hand-me-down from his room mate.

Papi also wore this jacket that said SPINACH all down the sleeve on one side. He was working as a produce guy at the time which made it funnier. I had no idea that any manufacturer actually specialized in making clothing that whored up veggies, but there you go.

When we got married, most of his clothes magically disappeared and got replaced by a sensible wardrobe of khakis and nicely striped polo style shirts. :)

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

We filled 3 industrial sized dumpsters with junk that Mr.4444's dad had stockpiled when he died. For your sake, I'll assume Babycakes will never get that bad!

P.S. I love that award that you have (can't see it now, but it has the two ladies laughing). Who made it? Did you post about it? I'd love to read the link; it's great.

Tracy said...

Those pants are blinding!!! I can't believe they were able to make something that bright.

The sweater has gay pride written all over it. Or "my mommy made me this shirt and now I have to wear it cause she's coming for a visit."

But I have to admit, I'm a bit of a packrat too. Since we're in the middle of a renovation, Hubby's been making me clean out the clutter and yesterday I threw away to pair of bicycle shorts with lace on the bottom. I've had them from before I ever had children. *sigh*

Mary Witzl said...

I don't want my husband to see this post. If he does, he will (1) think it's cool to wear stuff like that, which he already does, and (2) feel better about the hideous stuff he sometimes wears, which makes your husband's day-glo sweats look uber cool. Seriously.

I'm slightly packrat myself, but I fight it! Having weathered over a dozen international moves has given me a real impetus.

Tricia said...

Those pants! Please tell us they were a gift and he didn't actually buy them himself.

Alice Wills Gold said...

we have conversations like this at our house too but they are usually in reference to something that happened in the bedroom and it always ends with..."oh no you won't, you know the bedroom is off limits."

My hubby is more of a keeper than I am both sense of the words...he is a partial packrat and a really great guy to keep.

I will be thanking my lucky stars that he let me throw out all his sweat pants when we got married. I somehow got my point through to him when I told him that no man should wear those things in public.

And he didn't even have a pair of bright orange ones...although I have to say that those would be a hot item in Knoxville where men like to dress trashy and they love the color orange because it's UT pride.

Anonymous said...

where did u get those sweatpants????

Anonymous said...

please tell us cause we are gonna rock them to school please it would mean alot

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