“Hey Lar…” *gasp* “how far is your house from here?” *pant*
“Just on the other side of that line of trees on yonder ridge.”
“Oh God. I’m dyin’. Let me just sit for a minute.”
(a good long sit where Alice breathes a lot)
“Please tell me you have food at your place.”
“My specialty is cocoa-oatmeal and I may have some bananas.”
(cut my eyes over and begin hiking again)
“Lar? Did that 60 year old mama carrying a load of wood on her head just pass me?”
“Yes.”
“Was she barefoot?”
“Yes.”
“Yeah, I thought so. I officially suck.”
Click *pant* on *gasp* Humor-Blogs.
19 Comments :
I'm not going for the First! thing. I've already used my quota of exclamation marks in my recent post.
Anyway, speaking of hiking, how exactly do you know that John Cusack sniffs his armpits?
That is probably exactly what I would sound like! I'm not much for hiking.
Lol, I hear ya..just going down the thousands of isles of yoga/execise dvd's at the store makes me out of breathe and sweat like a pig. Its pretty pathetic..
Wow! You fared better than I would have!
There's a reason that I always scored the lead role as The Big Bad Wolf in school skits.....my huff and puff skills are legendary.
I'm panting right now just typing out this comment.
I'm not a perv. Please don't call the police to report heavy breathing on your blog. It's just me.
Kelly- Really? They have entire isles filled with nothing but yoga and exercise DVD's?!!??
Those are some islands I would never want to get stranded on then. Maybe Jane Fonda has a Fitness Resort on those isles or something. ;)
I was once going to post about the many people typing out Santa Claus as Santa ClausE thanks to those stupid Tim Allen movies but then I had this big fracas where I made fun of Bobby Brown for spelling perogative as "prerogative" and a bunch of people pointed out that I was the idiot because it is spelled "prerogative" and I decided to never mock others for their errors again.......until now.
I think I'm being punished for my naughtiness. That crappy song Islands In The Stream won't stop playing in my head now.
I'm making an urgent plea to Kenny Rogers to set out and get me with a fine tooth comb.....
Ughh... I'm tired just thinking about hiking.
Larry, the billy goat himself, not only liked the sound of a beautiful woman panting behind him, he also liked to get his own heart beating wildly and then immediately light up a smoke at the top of the mountain. More bang for his two shillings that way, he said.
This morning, with deep fried apple fritter in hand, he walked over to the computer, looked at the picture of the two of you, and nodded approvingly. He was pleased to see himself looking so young and fit.
elasticwastebandlady:
Oh dear..pardon my errors..I must of been so wiped out from looking at all the exercise dvd's, then reading this post I wasn't thinking clearly about my grammer..my aplologies... :)
Meg - Gotcha on your blog.
Cassie, Kelly, Bee, Big Momma & Elastic - Seriously, I was probably in the best shape of my life doing this. It sucked. If you didn't gather that from the post.
N - I'm sure he wouldn't have heard me panting behind him, since by 'behind' it would have been 200 ft. or more. And I laughed out loud at the fritter visual. How many times did you make that hike?
Kelly - : )
You need some sort of dog or other pet along with you for this sort of hike-- which will give you an excuse to pause occasionally, rub the dog/cat behind the ear, catch a breath... and look really like a humanitarian while doing so. :)
Cats visit me while I'm gardening and I realize I actually am grateful for the break.
Reading the comments got me winded. My idea of exercise is ONLY to the fridge and back with some goods in tow. If I was hiking with you, I would make you look like a fitness goddess!
Jenn - I think a dog would have left me behind on the trail. See ya sistah!
Di - Not at all - not even sure if I could do it these days. I'm with you on the hike to the fridge.
I was visiting friends in Dublin and idly looking down on the street from their little terrace when a man pulled up driving a CART with a PONY (mind you, the cart was made of tubular metal like a bicycle, but STILL). He jumped down, hoisted a big bag on his shoulder, and disappeared from view. He was jogging up the three flights of stairs to our apartment to deliver a 75 POUND BAG of coal for their fireplace.
When we answered the door, he was smiling, completely NOT winded, and about 80 years old.
I sucked so bad at that point it was almost audible.
This reminds me of hiking behind my friend, Molly, out in Washington State years ago. I wanted to kill myself. Luckily, she tolerated by whining and didn't push me off the cliff herself!
Found your blog through another one.
And it sounds like we would make good hiking buddies.
Shield - I hear ya. It just gets downright embarrassing at some point.
Kissin Time - I'll go hiking with you any day! Lots of breathing breaks.
Anna Maria - You come along with me and Kissin Time!
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