Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Revenge of the Stat Nerds

One of the highlights of my grad school career got its bumpstart from a PhD candidate that for anonymity’s sake we’ll call Dumbass. I have purposely chosen the least attractive picture of him that I could locate. Chew that hotdog boy!


My friend, M. and I shared an office adjacent to the computer lab where we graded stacks of tests and quizzes for the professors. Dumbass came to our ‘office’ with five boxes of paper to be recycled and dumped them off.


“Yo, Dumbass! If you call Plant Operations, they’ll come pick that stuff up for you.”

“Why do that when I can dump it here?”

Now this guy was already annoying to begin with and the urge to make him eat five boxes of recyclable paper was high. It’s petty, but with nothing better to do than grade mindnumbing quiz after quiz, M. and I devised a plan that involved multiple sodas a day for the rest of the year, carefully washing them out and storing them in our sad little office. It's not so easy to explain away three boxes of soda cans sitting around.


And so under the cover of darkness, we snuck into the building during the last week of school -armed with 3 boxes of soda cans and our hot glue guns. Sure it took several hours, but just look at the amazing results to Dumbass' office door!



We scored some string and plastic forks for an overhanging mobile effect and the piece de resistance was the pull-tab we glued over his office keyhole.

Dumbass took it about as well as we expected, which was not at all - only delighting us more. It's no fun if they just laugh it off. Once he got past the glued on pull-tab over the keyhole, he smashed the whole thing in with his foot.


The bottom rows collapsed to the floor, but because M. and I were having architectural issues at the top, we had resorted to simply gluing the cans to the door. You can see that the top has remained stuck. Muahahhahahaaaa....

It was completely awesome.

---------------------------------------------------

Clicky on Humor-Blogs por favor - or I'll can you next!

40 Comments :

MadMad said...

Oh, my God - that is the BEST EVER!

Kelly said...

oh thats fantastic..I love it!

Bee said...

I love pranks. Love them.
I like to hug 'em and squeeze 'em and make them my new best friends!
Great job!!

The Mom said...

Take that Dumbass! LMAO!

You're funny!

Alice said...

Thank you, thank you! I'll try to resurrect pictures of my Girl Scout camp pranks next.

Tracy said...

I am in awe of your genius. IN AWE!
And what makes it even better is that some of it still stood after he angrily tried to smash it with his foot. That probably made him way super mad!
Congrats on a job well done!

PopArtToaster said...

"Dumbass" is my favorite insult name.

You use it quite well in this story.


JD at I Do Things

Angela said...

Haha, oh man. I wish I had the balls to do that to someone I despise!

Swistle said...

Okay, you know, he should have left it like that because it looked WAY COOL. Also: maybe you should not have taken incriminating photos.

Alice said...

PAToaster - Yeah - I think Red from 'That 70's Show' does it best though.

Angela - If you had met this guy you would have done it too. He was so full of himself.

Swistle - Hah - there was too much work involved for it to be left undocumented. ; )

Alice said...

Tracy - Thanks! - Oh he was mad and so was his pissy girlfriend. Success!!

Suze's Sass said...

That's it - you are officially my hero!

Dorky Dad said...

That reminds me of a joke a friend of mine played involving a large quilt of soup can labels compiled over several weeks placed over a car that was filled with balloons. The joke-ee said NOTHING. My friend is still bitter.

Hey It's Di said...

Oh, that is a blast! I really love that you even glued some to the door. He definitely looks like a dumbass:)

Hey, I could have got you boxes of empty cans quickly with as much Diet Coke as I drink! Maybe I will have to try this prank!

Alice said...

Suze - I'm a hero! *tear* My mom is SOOO making me a spandex outfit now with a big 'H' on the chest!

DDad - Uh oh. I love a fresh new idea.

Di - Go for it! It's not really that hard and now that video recorders are more popular - it could go YouTube.

LceeL said...

To paraphrase an old saying, "Into each life some Dumbass must fall". Looks like you did a nice job with yours.

Cassie said...

HAHA! Nice prank!

Nicey said...

I like your style, keep on doing what ya keep on doing !

Sue said...

Never underestimate the awesome power of the Glue Gun.

Alice said...

lceel - Unfortunately he was a lot of Dumbass. ; )

Cassie & Nicey - Thanks!

Alice said...

Sue - Yeah, glue guns are pretty dang cool. But next time, I'd totally bring an extension cord. That held us back a bit.

Jenn Thorson said...

I LOVE those kinds of pranks!! You're an evil genius!

Reminds me of the time I kidnapped my coworker's glass cats and made her fetch them, one by one, giving her clues through "ransom" notes.

Good times, good times. :)

A Mom Two Boys said...

That's AWESOME. Did you get in trouble?

jennie said...

that is awesome! one of the best revenge plans I've ever seen was to a guy who was really nutso about his car. one night he left his car window open a crack and two guys popped garbage bags filled with popcorn... then optied them into the guy's open car window. until the whole thing was filled to the roof with popcorn.

the guy who loved his car almost died. and I had a new respect for the guys who came up with the plan. obviously.

Alice said...

Jenn - Ahh yes...the glass cat caper. I'm guessing she was a better sport about it though! Some people are just so blah.

AMom - Naw...it was so close to the end of the school year and I don't think anyone gave a rat's ass.

Jennie - I'm gonna keep the popcorn trick up my sleeve for when my kid's start driving. Heh heh heh...

Amy in Ohio said...

Man, I miss college.

Diesel said...

Nice.

Jonny's Mommy said...

That is soooo awesome.

What a total dork.

I think that's my brother.

Duuude.

No, I don't usually say that. No idea why I did now. Probably because I am a DORK.

Sean C said...

haha YES. that was awesome. I love practical jokes. All the more when I don't like the person.

Sean C said...

Yes, you must believe me. Lost is the most fantastic show on television. I have never been into TV shows. This is exception. It's like Arrested Development in that there is no show like it. Watch the first 4 episodes [this is my magic formula apparently] I am positive you'll see it my way. If you can watch thing online go to www.ovguide.com and search lost or try this www.cucirca.com/. Just try it, you'll love it :)

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Very nice. I especially am loving the very carefully chosen unappealing photograph of Dumbass. Smooth.

Shamelessly Sassy said...

hahhahahha. best. prank.ever. You should cover his windshield and car windows with post-it's. not that i've done that to anyone..*looks around*.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

This post should be submitted to The Office for future episode consideration!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I don't like the way that mofo disrespected the cans and kicked them in like that.

I'm making an official Recycler Citizens Arrest.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I work with rednecks. They would have opened the door by crushing the cans with their sloped Neanderthal-ish foreheads.

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

That's what he gets! Dumbass!

That girl from Shallotte said...

What are your rates? I'd like to fly you to Raleigh to take care of some outstanding issues I have...

Love it!

Alice said...

Thanks everyone - it makes me feel like it was all worthwhile. OK - it was totally worthwhile as he kicked it all.

And I love all the new ideas I'm getting from folks. Evil without being totally destructive.

That Girl - My rates are free for good causes. You provide the cans.

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

This reminds me of the pompass dumbass I worked with (who CLOSED HIS EYES as he played guitar for juvenile inmates in the jail school where I worked; what a dumb----!) Anyway, my other colleague and I laughed our asses off the day his lost his front crown in a bagel but didn't know it until I pointed it out to him. Of course, the laughing occurred after he left. I nearly wet my pants!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I had to revisit this so I could show my kids that you are the Prank Master!!!

Post a Comment