Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Weekend Update

After staring at Tenty and the leaves festering under the shower cap for several days too long, I decided to liberate whatever might remain in GirlChild's Cup of Death. You'll imagine my surprise when I found out that not only had Tenty survived, but THRIVED. Tenty was bigger, nastier and sprouting longer hair. I threw Tenty, a testatment to natural selection, into the grass and was faced with Tenty droppings in the COD. I guess I subconsciously assume that bugs don't crap because they're so small...but guess again. That's a lot of turd for such a small guy and I was forced to throw the cup out, because there's no way I'm eating out of a tent-worm caterpillar turd cup.

We've had a few very hot days so I took the kids down to the river to poke around. Hot weather does not translate into hot water but GirlChild and BoyChild sucked it up and got in anyway - into water that definitely smelled like low tide. WOW! Power punch to the nose.

This is the picture of - "I just stepped on something - GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY."

BoyChild felt the need to pee while we were down there. Who takes off a bathing suit to pee in a river? And you know those funky wet trunks weren't getting pulled back up all on their own. Should have bought some tongs along.

GirlChild and BoyChild shower off the river fish and crab goo. No - don't quit yet - you've got another five minutes under that shower, kid.

I took garbage bags for litter pick-up along the shoreline and the price for being all earthy and caring and touching things grosser than Tenty would be poison ivy. What's worse than funky - funky AND itchy. Screw you Earth Day!

(*Serious Note* I fully endorse ZANFEL for poison ivy.)
Click on Humor-Blogs - it's less funky than the river water.


Bee said...

No gloves for you then??
I don't touch anything without the help of my trusty second skin against the world latex gloves.

Queen Goob said...

You're right....that was a LOT of turds!

Alice said...

Bee - I was lucky I remembered the bags - I usually end up with a handful of garbage to carry home. People are pigs.

Queen - I should take a pic of the tents - THAT is a lot of turds.

gadragonfly said...

I can't believe you picked up other people's trash with your bare hands. EWWW!!! Make sure those kids are up to date on their shots. :)

Meg said...

Yes, a day outdoors can make you appreciate the beauty of video games! Thanks for tip on the monkeys.

Alice said...

Dang D, it's not like I'm picking up dog logs, just stuff like cans and chip bags.

Meg - I'm going to have to take Tenty over video games right now since we OD-ed on Lego Star Wars over the winter. Have fun with your monkey game! ; )

April said...

hope they didn't bring home any new "tentys" stuck to their butts...ewww

Jonny's Mommy said...

Reminds me of when I used to go in the creak (pronounced crik here) and found out later that sewer was being pumped in there. They said it was treated, but like we believe the government.


Sue said...

I can't seem to figure how to e-mail you directly so I'm hijacking your comments box to say

#1: My husband told me how much the grill was but i blocked it out.

and #2: Threesome, Foursome, if I can get anywhere near Josh H. I'm in.

Bex said...

Hey! Funny post! The standout line for me was the one about his look being he just stepped on something and get the hell out of the way. I laughed out loud!!

Jenn Thorson said...

Tenty LIVES! Good thing you looked when you did, you know. Another week and you'd have him cocooning himself into Mothra. And that's one pretty darned big bug to have at your house, even for a science experiment. :)


If you were really earthy like you claim you would have composted that caterpillar poop to fertilize your yard with.

You made Al Gore very sad today.

Alice said...

April - after a mass caterpillar experience, they appear to have quietly gone into cocoon state somewhere. It's eerie.

JMommy - Hey - I saw Erin Brokovich. There's money in your future girl!

Sue - yeah, I need some sort of contact e-mail. I'm too leery of posting my real e-mail up because all I really need is more Viagara spam. Will work on that.

Bex - One of my best friends said, "Comedy is tragedy happening to someone else."

Jenn - OK, I'm much cooler with Mothra than the worm. Mothra would be better blog material anyhow. There's only so much a worm will do in a cup.

Elastic - you nailed me. I'm not really earthy at all. Chem-lawn is my way of giving the finger to the wildlife on my acreage.

Tracy said...

I'm new to your blog but I feel that I must tell you what to do here.
The next time you go to the doctors office, when nobody is looking, grab a bunch of gloves out of the box and shove them in your bag. Then, the next time you go on litter patrol, PUT A PAIR ON FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY!

Also, being new here, I have no idea what's going on with the bug but I'm glad you decided to throw the cup away. That was a wise decision. I wouldn't want to wonder every time I get myself a drink if this was the turd cup!

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