Wednesday, April 30, 2008

High School Flash Back - Girl Edition

I dedicated a good chunk of time to the boyz of Babycakes' highschool - and it was right to do so. You can't spout 'fast cars, loose women and all the things that really matter in life' and not have it come back to haunt you in the blogosphere like duct-taped boobs at a school dance. OK, so it's only going to haunt them to the extent of about 20 people.

The guys were far easier targets than the girls who were wiser in their wording and usually chose NOT to declare Black Sabbath #1. The worst was a chick whose life goal was a Monte Carlo Super Sport.

Where the girls ran into trouble was HAIRSTYLING. I'm not saying my own classmates weren't affected by the 80's and Dippity-Do, but at least we looked like we were still in high school. Babycakes' yearbook is filled with chicks that were 18 going on 38 with a lifetime of organizing files at a dentist's office ahead of them.

I give you - The Hair Helmet.

Good grief - even my Mom's hair helmet wasn't that tight, and she had three kids and a station wagon. Lighten up Carol & Barb and get the girdle out of your ass - Derek and the Buzzed Crew are lookin' for action!

Marci is sporting the girl mullet or gullet as I like to call it. For more mullet action than I can give, I will refer the reader to Eggsalady.

Holy Viking Batman! DeeDee scares me and not just because of the platinum flip.

(entirely possible scenario for DeeDee)
DeeDee: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?

Mirror: Barb

DeeDee: Exqueeze me?!

Mirror: Barb. You know... of Barb & Carol.

(DeeDee exits and eats Barb's heart)

I want to mock Staci's poof, but she looks like she could take me down with the brass knuckles hidden in her hair. It's the best 'bang' shot from the school but not even close to some of the high and isolated bangs I've seen down south.

Feel free to submit your local name for 'big, teased up bangs' such as my personal favorite - the 'Kennesaw Claw' from Kennesaw, GA. (When you say this, you must make a claw with your hand and smack it on your forehead.)

Donna is representing wings, although she doesn't have the biggest or fanciest wings at the school. She does, however, have the horizontal-est eyebrows. Honey, they're called tweezers, and with them you can create arches.

(Babycakes quote after first looking at this post: "Those look like goblin teeth.")


Click on Humor-Blogs if you loved or hated or were indifferent to the '80s.


Bee said...

WHAT??? Donna is a woman?? Are you sure its name isn't Don???

The sad thing is that I would have killed to be able to do my hair like Marci. I'm just glad I outgrew that phase!

Shieldmaiden96 said...

My sister had TWO of those Monte Carlos. (Carloes?) Both of them were stolen. That car was fast as hell.

Jeff said...

Thank you for reminding me why I never dated in high school. I used to think there was something wrong with me - now I realize I just had taste.

Alice said...

Bee - Could be a 'Don' but Babycakes took one look at her and had no clue who she/he was. Memorable.

ShieldM - Ahh...maybe I have underestimated the Monte Carlo.

Jeff - I'm going to say I don't believe that for a second when Babycakes just admitted to me that a teenaged boy was capable of boinking a 60 year old woman.

Sue said...

OMG hilarious. And my first thought, coming from someone who may or may not have showered at 5pm is:
"The TIME!!!!! Sweet Mother of Jesus, The TIME this took!!!!!"

what's a donzer said...

Oh my gosh, I love you.

Tomorrow: it's me, sitting comfily in a pleather chair at the Golden Scissors, begging for the Kennesaw Claw. You have made my weekend.

Mother Theresa said...

Lol. I remember all those hairstyles from back in high school. I fell for the wings at some point, and had to spend half an hour every morning with the curling iron. Looking back, I don't know how I could walk around like that.

Tracy said...

These look like the pictures out of my brothers year book. I graduated in the 90's so we had a lot of flannel (it was the grunge era), and girls with long hair parted down the middle (we thought we were hippies).
And I also remember that one girl in my class had dreams of owning a purple Dodge Neon as her dream car. Those were big dreams!

Alice said...

Sue - it's called 'neglectful parenting'. OK - I only have to neglect one since the other is in 1st grade all day.

Donzer - but do you have the time every morning to dedicate to maintaining 'the Claw'?

Theresa - *chanting* Picture, Picture, Picture!

Tracy - I'm gonna choose the Monte Carlo over the purple Neon. What a weenie car!

Sornie said...

I've also heard it referred to as the "femullet" but wow, those were some wretched hair-dos. Wow.


okay, I stopped by here briefly yesterday to clickety for you and caught the "goblin teeth" remark. It made me actually LOL yesterday and the magic continued tonight. :)

Go hug your daughter and tell her that she brought laughter into some random person's life.


I graduated in 1992 just on the cusp of the grunge-look explosion. My friends and I with our flat hair and no makeup look contend that we were secretly just starting the trend at our school waaayyy ahead of everyone else.

Anyway, big poofy haired girls were referred to as The Sisterhood Of The Tumbleweed Heads.

Alice said...

Sornie - hadn't heard that one, but will work it into conversation now!

Elastic - funnily enough, when Babycakes said it, I couldn't stop laughing either. Don't know if it was just too late at night or the 5 drinks I'd had, but 'goblin teeth' was killin' me. Looking forward to the sock exchange!

Mary Witzl said...

I tell you, I laughed so hard at these photographs I actually cried, and I'm not in a particularly hysterical mood, either. This gives me the courage to post my own high school photos someday. Like posthumously.

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