Friday, April 25, 2008

Farmer-ish Tan

The weather has been uncooperative for yard work so I took advantage of a sunny day yesterday to mow half the yard. I also wanted to take advantage of the sun to bronze the bod, so you know I was lookin’ smokin’ hot when I shoved my t-shirt arms up under my bra straps.

When I think I look bad on the mower, I cheer myself up by recalling the image of a neighbor with her old, yellowing puppy shirt tucked into her shorts and then pulled up to her ample bosom so that half the puppy was hidden in her pants. “Hey! I look like a freakin’ supermodel next to that!”


My artistic rendering is not able to convey her boobs warping the puppy’s head.

Pushing the shirt under my straps makes for something that can’t quite be classified as “farmer tan”. If I had been able to get the shirt symmetrical on my shoulders, then maybe. This is how I look now: I can say with authority that my forearms look fantastic. (The brown indicates ‘tan’ and not ‘hairy’.) There’s also a killer white ‘U’ on my neck where my chin was blocking the rays.

Other outdoor news: A bird trying to fly away with some kite string from our patio kept getting yanked back in high comedy fashion since the string was wrapped around a table leg. He only did it about 50 times before we stopped laughing and felt sorry enough for him to cut the string up.

I realize that by writing that little blurb, I have indicated that we leave old kite string trashing up the patio.


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5 Comments :

Meg said...

Better old kite string than old Clifford tees!

Alice said...

Hey! How do you know about my old Clifford tees?

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I came here for humor and got a lesson in Art Appreciation at the same time.

Nice.

Alice said...

I take commissions if you'd like something inparticular. I work cheap too.

jennie said...

hey! I got that same tan yesterday!

side note: I know that's a really poorly written comment, but I saw in another post that you used the word "funner", so I'm assuming that you'll understand what I'm saying.

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