My fam has a history of visiting the chop shop, so I've considered a few options in the realm of plastic surgery and decided that zombification would be the easiest and cheapest route since I'm halfway there.
Examing my face in the mirror last night, I noticed some definite facial sag / jowls manifesting by the mouth. (And if you know me in person and you say those jowls have always been there, then just shut up.) I did a few mini-lifts with my fingers which only confirmed their presence.
Pull Back Face - Yay! I look 10 years younger!
Let Go of Face - Hogatha
GirlChild: Mom, can I have some juice?
Alice: No. I can't let go of my face.
"Breaking Dawn" came out this past weekend and it's a monster at over 700 pages. (*warning - about to offend most Twilight reader*) The book is mediocre at best, and yet I must finish to find out how it all ends. My eyes are protruding and bloodshot from staying up so late and my left elbow, (the one I lean on when I'm reading) is requiring that special lotion for cracked heels - the stuff that's like slapping pure lard on your body. And after I slather it on my elbow - I have to slather it on my actual cracked heels from flapping around in flip-flops all day.
Haven't touched a razor in a week. Can zombies be hairy?
My right arm and left instep started itching a few days back. I scratched plenty. It got red and oozy. I'm pretty sure at this point it's poison ivy that I picked up from the cat because it sure as hell hasn't been from doing yardwork since the weeds around the scum pond are starting to look like corn.
I like to give poison ivy a good headstart before treatment so I can look particularly zombie-ish when flashing my weeping sores at opposing Pokemon players. How else do you think I won a match this Sunday against Pokemon Sue (the only other woman with the guts to show up on Sundays)? As soon as she slapped Gardevoir down, I flashed my zombie arm at her and rubbed it over the cards a bit, subtley implying that I could pass it off to her if I so chose. But then my cards were sort of sticking together so the plan backfired in some regards.
Catch me first thing in the morning before I've hit the hairbrush and the coffepot and I'm not far off from this right now:
Posted over at Humor-Blogs