Thursday, August 14, 2008

Alice Outta Commission

Friends...

Alice has been working the system to obtain employment since BoyChild and GirlChild are both kickin' the elementary school scene this year.

Alice has been Googling the hell out of past universities to find obscure phone numbers and zip codes. And trying to figure out her GPA for education related classes minus the grades she received in Bowling, Golf and Ceramics I divided by the number of classes she skipped in 8:00 am Philosophy and Human Growth and Development. *damn, I'm nodding off just writing those classes down*

People.... philosophy at 8:00 am is just a bad idea. Don't do it.

Alice has been poppin' the xanax like they were tic-tacs.

Alice is starting to talk like Rickey.

If things go well on Friday, I will most likely be disappearing for several days. For a chick who hasn't taught in a classroom in over twelve years - the prospect is daunting. Especially with only a handful of days before school starts and one pair of capris that don't look trashy.

It things go badly, I'll be hunkering down with V.Ice, my tic-tacs and a needle and working up a whole new wardrobe for V.Ice's upcoming weekly sitcom. Since I'll be jobless. And have ample free time. Ample free time to Google more pics of men's beach volleyball player, Phil Dalhausser. Hey....shut up! It calms me down. See... I'm calm already.

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Do a girl a favor and click some smileys over at Humor-Blogs since I may not be around for a bit.

29 Comments :

Hey It's Di said...

I was a fool and took Psychology at 7 a.m. not that it was a difficult class but ANYTHING is bad at 7 a.m. I also had a few Accounting classes that began at 5 p.m. and ended at 9 p.m. Needless to say, I remember only what I learned in the first hour:(

GOOD LUCK this week and hope you get to wear your pair of non-trashy capris over and over!

Chat Blanc (aka Sandy) said...

I'm thuper exthided for you!! :) but on the other hand. . . noooooo, don't leave us!! I hope you get it and come back to us with stories of school madness!

Oh, and if you do get the job, I can please have the rest of your tictacs? Just until I find me a real job. kthnxbai!

Cocotte said...

The good news for us is that your new job should provide plenty of rich material for the blog!

Queen Goob said...

Wow - you actually have a pair of Capri’s that don't look trashy? YES!

BTW - I had a dream about you last night. I know - blogging has not only taken over my life but my sleep as well. WHA?!?!

The dream was funny - maybe I'll blog about it. Maybe not, people already think I'm a freak.

OH and I was at the bookstore Wednesday picking up THE FIRST THREE IN THAT 400,000 book series and I saw a book with a cover illustration of the woman that did the header. It was a series - and the store didn't have the first one so I didn't buy BUT I thought it was REALLY cool to notice the work of none other than LISA DESIMINI!

Rickey Henderson said...

Hahahha... The third person voice is your friend! It's worked for Rickey so far. Don't forget to toss in the editorial voice for added hilarity!

Mary Witzl said...

I know how you feel!! I've been trying to upload my C.V. onto one of those employment sites (a just-in-case measure in case the jobs we're going to don't pan out!) and I'm so tired of trying to remember what year I taught janitorial skills to Hmong refugees or medical English to Koreans or whatever. At some point, you start to wonder who cares.

And hey -- I like the look of that volleyball player! Too bad I can't play volleyball. Still, I can look, can't I?

gadragonfly said...

GOOD LUCK!!! I hope you get the job, 'cause I can't wait to hear the stories. I'm sure you'll have tons.
That picture makes me want to start playing volleyball again. YUM YUM!
I'll go clothes shopping with you when I come up if you want. :) It's one of my favorite hobbies. Pretty much spending money on anything is a hobby of mine. Love you & best of luck again.

PS what did you come up with as a GPA?

Jenn Thorson said...

Will absolutely be rooting you on, Alice!

Consider your smileys already clicked. (Actually, most of them already are... Just need to do this one.) :)

Anonymous said...

Go get 'em, Alice! Remember, school starts in 10 days, they're still looking for a teacher, and you're the smartest thing on two wheels! You'll get it! Getting a teaching job is the perfect chance for both your good and bad karma to catch up with you in one glorious moment! :-)

There's a middle-school language arts guru named Nancie Atwell who said something very close to this: "Surviving adolescence is no small matter. Neither is surviving adolescents." I can think of no finer role model for impressionable youth than you. Imagine the impact.

Keep us posted and good luck!

Meg said...

Meg will be rooting for you.

OMG! Now Meg is talking like Alice talking like Rickey.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

"People.... philosophy at 8:00 am is just a bad idea. Don't do it."

I didn't know Arts and Letters classes were held this early in the morning. Isn't it in the Constitution somewhere than non-science classes can be held no earlier than noon?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HappyHourSue said...

Go, girl! Your friends are readers will always be here- think of the blog material you'll amass.

Sparkliesunshine said...

Good luck! Sounds like you have some great opportunities coming your way. I hope you're able to update us on them. :)

Ellie said...

Oh dear. Good luck. Everyone should be a teacher and a waiter, at least once in their lives, I've always thought. My sanctimonious two cents.

Memarie Lane said...

Why is it that the men can be fully clothed but the women have to wear things that require a Brazilian wax?

Cassie said...

Good luck with everything! And hey, any class at 8 am is a bad idea. :)

for a different kind of girl said...

Good luck! I started my college career thinking I'd teach, then I realized they were training me to teach high school English, and there's no way I could pull that off.

I also had a hard time with my 8 a.m. ethics class.

I hope it all goes well for you!

Kelly said...

Go Alice..I'll rub Buddha's belly for some luck to flow your way..
:)

Robyn said...

I had Political Science at 8am. Even when I was actually in class, I didn't wake up until 9:30.

damon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
damon said...

You'd think by now xanax tabs would fit in a pez dispenser.

Good luck to you, and your last pair of ratty capris!

Manager Mom said...

I'm not sure whether or not to hope you get the job, or that you don't.

Cause there would be a gaping hole in my heart without V-Ice to fill it.

Bee said...

Good luck! I'm horrible at relaying information from my 3 cells to others! :o)

jen said...

oh...please stay home for me. i can't.
are you maybe saying though that i will wish i was when the girls are old enough to send off? i was thinking i would maybe retire THEN...get the p&q i deserve after running myself ragged for too long.
by the way. music appreciation 7:50 am. first day, i noticed that a bunch of football players sat next to me. they must have thought i looked nerdy enough to pay attention and maybe they'd get lucky enough to borrow my notes. ha.
good luck, either way.
it IS good blogging material...but then again...best not to blog about it!

unfinishedrambling said...

Alice: I want to apologize, I think I might have said something here that was intended for Wit's Bitch. I just looked back through my comments and I had it posted at the wrong place. That's what happens with too many windows. Please accept my most humble apologies.

Alice Wills Gold said...

Oh. it's the pills...no wonder why you are willing to teach.

Glad to know you are not only crazy but medicated.

Crazy explains your willingness to teach and medicated will keep your from killing the class.

Lisa said...

OMG I also took and did poorly in Golf/Bowling in undergrad. Oh, how I have missed the internet! Have fun teaching HS...try not to notice all the cute 19 year olds...oh wait, you probably aren't in Texas...

Xanax Side Effects said...

My name is Wendy Angus and i would like to show you my personal experience with Xanax.

I am 45 years old. Have been on Xanax for 2 years now. In working with a wonderful doctor and therapist, I have learned Meniere's Disease is an anxiety=provoked condition, and is the worst thing I have ever suffered in my life. To manage this, I take a low dose of Wellbutrin everyday and have a 1mg Rx for Xanax, which I am supposed to take 3x-a-day, but to be honest, I usually only take about 3-1mg a week, so only taking it when I honestly feel "too anxious". I also take Meclizine for the Meniere's attacks and those are only as needed as well. I feel the Xanax is better to have around than not, for my personal conditions. It took me a long time to balance out my meds, and taking too much xanax feels as horrible as the withdrawl can be, as I've experienced both. Now, after much time in getting to know what my body needs and how I am feeling (like with anxiety), and removing the 'stigma' of having to take a drug to manage my conditions is now over, taking just a few pills a week seems to work beautifully.

I have experienced some of these side effects -
It makes me very thirsty (dry mouth) but seems to work well in combination with other drugs for my conditions with no ill effects.

I hope this information will be useful to others,
Wendy Angus

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