Yo. Bathtub Gangsta - you sold out man. Hamptons my ass. Here's how a real man spends his summer vacation. (*note to self -call Bev at Creative Memories for scrappin' tips*)
V.ICE: MY TIME IN IRAQ
Shaking hands with Stormin' Norman and saluting Ol' Blood and Guts
Dear Diary - This was the worst day of my life. The heat is unbearable and then George C. Scott slapped me and called me a 'goddamned coward' when I told him about my problems with carpal tunnel syndrome. I wish I was with BG in the hot tub right now and buying bling at Tiffany's.
Stationed at the Pyramids
Dear Diary - It's getting easier ever since they stationed me at Giza. If I can make it into the hidden passageway by 0500, my chances of not getting hit by a suicide bomber improves drastically. I'm a bit worried as the MP's are starting to sniff around with the dogs.
Mad Bow and Arrow Skillz
Dear Diary - After my two weeks in lock-up for attempted desertion, I befriended a few Iraqis who've been teaching me some local methods of assault. My first attempt with the blow gun landed me in the health unit for a week when I accidentally inhaled. And almost all the nurses were DUDES! That show M*A*S*H is full of crap.
Near Death Experience
Dear Diary - I just narrowly escaped my death and have to thank the SEALs for the rescue. I'm tempted to return and master the sandworm though because that stupid Sgt. Hulka is driving me batshit crazy. If he makes me sweep the sand out of the latrine one more time, I'm gonna snap.
Working the Border Patrol
Dear Diary - They sent me to work the border with some of the locals. I can't figure out if they were impressed with my worm skillz or if they're hoping I get hit by sniper fire. Either way, my new best friend, Aziz, is trying to score me one of those cool headpieces they wear. I told him I'd be willing to trade a gold MC Hammer jacket for one and his dealer seemed interested.
Dear Diary - The upper echelon was so shocked that I survived the border that I was assigned to Col. Hutt's platoon. They even let me steer the skiff. Sweet! I tried to get on the barge because of the hot chick in chains rumor, but it wasn't happening. I'll see if Aziz can get me on board later.
Dear Diary - R& R rocks! Who knew there was a Senor Frogs in Iraq? And now I know I'm hot...just like these guys.
Posted over at Humor-Blogs