Gah. That's how I feel about writing a post.
I almost had to issue a public apology for wise-cracking on the Pennsylvania roads, but was vindicated when we entered a ten mile stretch of highway that went from two-lanes to one-lane for ten miles (did I already say that?) with NO APPARENT CONSTRUCTION happening. There were also NO APPARENT EXITS and GirlChild was screaming to pee since she scarfed an entire water bottle on the sly. That would be my $2 water bottle from the un-airconditioned Pennsylvania Welcome Center where we got a KitKat to share, but couldn't because it was too melty and so we had to put it in the cupholder in front of the AC vent for 20 minutes before we could eat it.
At mile nine of the construction we hit an exit with no businesses but a trucking company so they got an eyeful of GirlChild hunkered on the grass, pantless. And I only got a little pee on my foot. And my hand.
We stayed in Frackville with a friend and hit up the amusement park, Knoebel's (pronounce the 'K') which was truly wonderful for the ages that my kids are. On a Tuesday, the crowds were completely sane and I only needed half a xanax. Didn't need the spare in my purse. Unlike my trip to Disney during Spring Break which would have benefitted from harder drugs or animal tranqs.
Here's BoyChild staring out from the crotch of the world's creepiest wooden Indian.
GirlChild just turned 5. She went on this ride.
She went on every ride she was tall enough to get on. On the last ride I rode with her, she got eerily quiet.
"Ummm...GirlChild...are you OK?" (No response.)
"GirlChild?" (Vacant stare.)
"Lean THAT way when you puke darlin'."
Are the Amish even allowed to go to amusement parks?!
We headed home on Wednesday, flirting briefly with the idea of swinging by Gettysburg. Between the rain and my retarded quest for gas, I nixed the historical visit and headed straight home. What's that? You wanna hear about the world's dumbest quest for gas? I'll sum up:
1. Leave Frackville with very little gas.
2. About 2 miles down, think - "I don't remember seeing a whole lot of gas stations on the way up, perhaps I should just turn around and go back to Frackville for gas."
3. Nix that idea, continue on and pull off at the next exit. Only trees for miles in each direction. Drive a few miles through creepy backwoods, get scared of running out of gas when I'm not even sure exactly where I am and turn back to highway. See some road workers and ask where the nearest gas station is.
4. Go down highway some more and turn off per the road workers instructions. Drive lots of miles and pray they didn't give me faulty directions while staring intently at my gas needle.
5. Find gas station and do the happy dance. Ask gas station attendant if there is a faster way to get back to highway. She says I can just stay on the road I'm on.
6. I do this and end up back in Frackville. I have just made a complete counter-clockwise loop, with what I'm SURE were only right-hand turns.
Posted at Humor-Blogs.