Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Poolside Revenge

Back in the 8th grade we were fortunate enough to be a three-minute walk from the neighborhood swimming pool. My brother, sister, and I would spend all day there during the summer - pushing each other in, cheating at Marco Polo, and going home in the evening with red chlorine eyes. You actually couldn’t see anything on the walk home because the world was fuzzy at that point. Sunblock? Your shoulders don’t peel if you wear sunblock fool.

(This is a few years early, but my Mom apparently has any and all pool photos.)

The lifeguard nazi wasn’t too keen on us and was forever making us sit on the concrete for 10 minute stretches. But it was worth it when you accomplished an especially good double-bounce on the diving board and the guy’s legs buckled before falling off. If a body part hit the board on the way in – BONUS!

Anyhow, we were generally sitting in the corner concrete square for some infraction that most likely didn’t hurt anybody, except maybe that they couldn’t breathe for a bit. We’d sit there thinking of how we could get even with that stupid teenager who thought she was SOOO POWERFUL, sitting up there on her perch like she was Lord of us Flies. All perfect in that red bathing suit with a cool whistle and all the kids fawning at the pedestal of her throne. I secretly wanted that power.

As we brain-stormed, we figured we really couldn’t do anything too nuts because that would only get us banned from the pool for the summer and the alternative was worse… hanging around at home within earshot of Mom. If you were fool enough to be within earshot of your Mom during the day, then you deserved to be carrying those pavers to the backyard or edging the driveway. You got the hell out of Dodge right after “Diff’rent Strokes” and didn’t reappear until dinner.

The best idea we could come up with as payback was to PEE ON THE CONCRETE while we sat there. In retrospect, I’m not sure who we thought we were “getting” by doing this, but we were the ones having to maneuver around the spreading urine for the remaining 7 minutes. And yet we reveled in that fact that we “got ‘em good” as we sauntered back to the pool. Ha ha! Take that you dumb (and yet so cool) lifeguard! Take my pee spot that’s going to evaporate in 5 minutes and know that I WON!


Press Humor-Blogs for me and I won’t pee in your pool.


Anonymous said...

Okay, I clicked on it... So you promise? No pool pee? Call me cautious, but I'm STILL not swimming with you!


Alice said...

I limit my pee strictly to concrete and grass. Even I don't want to swim in my own pee though I'm apparently willing to sit in it.

Jeff said...

So why did the lifeguard make you sit on concrete? Was there a specific reason for it or was she just being sadistic? Weird.

Alice said...

Umm..I deceived with the photo since that's at a different pool. The pool in question didn't have the luxury of a grassy area - just lots of head-splitting concrete. Oh, and regardless...the lifeguard was still a turd with a superiority complex.

Anonymous said...

Is that your family? Are you the cute one up front? Is that tanned, muscular fellow in the x-ray vision glasses your dad? This is a fabulous peek into your childhood!

Alice said...

We were with another fam (and I actually think that pic was from Germany) - my brother's standing up and my sister is in the blue suit. I'm in front. Mom & Pop didn't make the pic. ; )

Anonymous said...

So what's the backside of a blog look like, anyway? Can you tell how many people are on at a given time? Do you know who we are? Can you see me right now? How many times a day do you check it? Inquiring minds want to know.

And because I now sound like a cyber-creep, I'll let you know that it's just me, Nancy. (Or did you already know that?)

gadragonfly said...

Who was that fellow with the X-ray specs? I don't remember him. I'm sure he'd be happy to know he has a random picture out there on the internet, especially shirtless.

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