Monday, January 7, 2008

Evil Christmas Toys

Jan. 07, 2008 - Coroner's Report
Subject: Barbie Island Princess Karaoke Styling Head
Estimated time of death: 01/07/2008 2:15 pm
Location of death: living room

Room appeared in disarray upon arrival of the first officers at the scene who noted a boy, seemingly unaffected, preoccupied with a Nintendo DS Lite and a small girl, age 4, crying over the remains of the subject.

Toxicology report notes traces of Mabelline ExpressFinish "Pink Shock" nail polish and Dollar Store lipstick found on right cheek and neck.

2 inch battery acid burn runs parallel to spinal column along the back of neck, due in part to blunt force trauma at the base of the skull - maximum of two strikes. Weapon would appear to be wood due to splinters located under the skin (wooden spoon?) Batteries and volume knob have been forcibly removed, no prints on subject. Batteries and knob have not been recovered from crime scene at the time of this report.

Ligature marks indicate strangulation from microphone cord as cause of death.


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