Sunday, July 19, 2009

Incense and Peppermint and Codeine

School ended in late June, we spent 11 glorious days in Belize and Mexico and came home so that BoyChild could fracture his foot on my watch.

My friend Gretta was distracting me with some intense homework grading scenarios while BoyChild was busy missing bars on the jungle gym. He screamed, I pulled some major muscle groups trying to heft his 85 lbs. into the car and we carted him to the ER. I'll try my best to replay that evening for you.
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*arrive at the ER door and beg for wheelchair because I can't carry him any more*

GirlChild: *wail* "I wanna ride in a wheelchaiiirrrrr..." *high pitched keening*

Alice: "There are no other wheelchairs except the one for the incredibly obese."

GirlChild runs over to it but wheels in circles since she can only reach one wheel. Mean nurse tells her to stop and I think... "Do you want her wheeling in circles or screaming about wanting to be in a wheelchair?"

Babycakes arrives to pick up GirlChild right after GirlChild points out the patient with the hairy back.

I accompany BoyChild for x-rays. The techs play the game Can-Frick-Get-Behind-The-Barrier-Before-Frack-Hits-The-Button?. I predict cancer within five years for one or both.

We wait in the room, killing time by blowing up the medical gloves and playing Milk-The-Cow. Things get interesting once they give BoyChild Tylenol with Codeine for the pain.

*weep* *cry* *snicker* *laugh* *uncontrollable laughter*

BoyChild: "Penis"..."Penis wenis"...(laughs for 30 seconds)..."Penis wenis"... (laughs and almost fall off the bed)

Alice: "Every time you say that, you get one less pack of Pokemon cards."

BoyChild contemplates this for 15 seconds, stares me in the eye and yells out "Bob Evans!"

More hysterical laughter for 30 seconds followed by "Bob Evans!" This happened roughly 50 more times, each time funnier than the last.

*fart* (more laughter)

BoyChild: "Wait...it's coming." (three more farts and extended snickering)

BoyChild: "EXCUSE ME FOR ALL THE FARTS I HAVE EVER MADE!"

Nurse comes in to sit by him and asks him about the accident.

BoyChild: "I think it's here!"

Alice: "MOVE...he's gonna fart again!"

Nurse: "I'm outta here."

Discharged at 11:45 pm.

4 Comments :

Manager Mom said...

I did not realize that codeine makes you fart.

Cocotte said...

Finally! A post.
When my daughter was a hospital volunteer, the wheelchair for the obese was officially called "the whopper." Employees would actually call down for "the whopper." I thought that was hilarious.

Sorry about the boy's accident. Mine once needed stitches after tripping over some fake food.

LceeL said...

That was the funniest thing I've read in a week. Lovely to see you posting again, Facebook Friend.

Kelly said...

I have missed your posts girlie!
I can relate..trying to entertain kids in the ER for hours..it blows...
Hope Boychild is feeling up to his normal self soon...
(*note to self...gotta find me some tylenal w/ codein*) :D
Glad your back!
I wanna see pics of Mexico!

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