The Wart Toe

BoyChild has a plantar wart and it’s more than a little sickening. It’s on his pinkie toe and I guess I tried to play it off as a callus a week too long.

A visit with the doc confirmed my internet diagnosis so we’ve got three to four weeks of salicylic acid patches + sandpapering. Honestly, these were the doctor’s instructions. Every day I’ve got to SANDPAPER this wart to remove the dead virus cooties.

I’m not a hypochondriac, but I feel the need for Lysol with anything and everything that now comes in contact with the wart toe. I question my hands. Did I wash them already? Did I touch the toe again? Did that sock over there touch the toe and then the sofa? Did I touch the toe and then my face? OH HELL!

I triple dog dare you to Google some plantar wart images. I can only liken the stuff coming off BoyChild’s wart to this:

The internet has given me a few more gems just in case my stomach hadn’t already completely turned:

· Often, the portion of the wart under the skin is at least twice as big as the part you can see.
· If left untreated, plantar warts can grow up to 1 inch in circumference and may spread into clusters (called mosaic warts).

If the wart toe reaches “mosaic warts” status, we amputate. There’s not enough Lysol in the world for mosaic warts.

I’d also like to offer my internet diagnosis service free of charge. I’ve only been wrong once when my big toe went funky and I diagnosed myself with gout.

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