Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Wart Toe

BoyChild has a plantar wart and it’s more than a little sickening. It’s on his pinkie toe and I guess I tried to play it off as a callus a week too long.

A visit with the doc confirmed my internet diagnosis so we’ve got three to four weeks of salicylic acid patches + sandpapering. Honestly, these were the doctor’s instructions. Every day I’ve got to SANDPAPER this wart to remove the dead virus cooties.

I’m not a hypochondriac, but I feel the need for Lysol with anything and everything that now comes in contact with the wart toe. I question my hands. Did I wash them already? Did I touch the toe again? Did that sock over there touch the toe and then the sofa? Did I touch the toe and then my face? OH HELL!

I triple dog dare you to Google some plantar wart images. I can only liken the stuff coming off BoyChild’s wart to this:

The internet has given me a few more gems just in case my stomach hadn’t already completely turned:

· Often, the portion of the wart under the skin is at least twice as big as the part you can see.
· If left untreated, plantar warts can grow up to 1 inch in circumference and may spread into clusters (called mosaic warts).

If the wart toe reaches “mosaic warts” status, we amputate. There’s not enough Lysol in the world for mosaic warts.

I’d also like to offer my internet diagnosis service free of charge. I’ve only been wrong once when my big toe went funky and I diagnosed myself with gout.

Free wart removal when you click on Humor-Blogs.


gadragonfly said...

That's just gross! I don't think I can eat lunch now. Poor nephew! :(

Anonymous said...

When I had one, Larry told me the root grows inward and could eventually strangle me. Isn't he a peach? The good news is that you and the rest of the crew were, unfortunately, exposed to it long ago (at my house. Haha--just kidding.) and nobody else has developed anything. Pole sana, though, truly. Good luck with the sandpapering.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and...[Dare I ask?]...what did you really have instead of gout?

Alice said...

I knew I should have enforced the flip-flops in your shower. Damn!

Instead of gout - I had the...wait for it...walking too hard on the treadmill! Yes...I know you are all floored that I was on a treadmill...

D - I couldn't eat either.

Jenn Thorson said...

Mosaic warts? What, they get so big they're able to assemble arts and crafts? (I've done mosaicing and it's not easy, either.) Maybe you can seal BoyChild's foot in some kind of vacuum sealed bootie for safety until this thing is done...

Alice said...

Jenn! The Space Bag! Why didn't I think of that before?

Post a Comment